There are a few important points that I always seem to circle back to, when re-thinking stuff in my life. (More like overthinking, I bet you know what I mean.) We all have been through some things in our lives that triggered us to work on ourselves harder and maybe change the direction. I can’t even tell you how many psychology books and articles I’ve read since I was like 18, how many motivational videos I watched and have saved in my ’Better me’ library. All bad things that ever happened to me, have always started the process of me going back to myself, thankfully. Everytime I fucked up or someone else fucked with me, I wanted to learn more about me and why it happened. Why I let that happen. I needed to know more about my childhood trauma and hurt feelings that caused certain behavior. To understand better, I just desperately wanted to diagnose myself (every doctor loves hearing this 😆) so I can treat whatever core issue needed to be treated.

I’ve just always wanted to know what caused the things that happened to me, and who’s fault it was. So I searched and read, and observed, and read some more, and asked people for opinion, visited various therapists, met up with friends and chatted about things... I was constantly searching for answers. What I want to say now, is that we all have probably gained some of our best wisdom from the wrong choices we made, haven’t we? It was like a curse and a blessing in that moment. It was a personal growth around the corner. Looking for answers has always opened the pandora box for me, with more and more Why’s. Today, I would love to share with you some of my go-to advice I have saved on my phone and written in my notebook throughout the times. These just really stuck with me and if they can help somebody else too, that would make me happy.

Don't try to control anybody else's journey.

During my therapy times, I used to go to this one therapist that also worked with energies. He did some magical things for me right when I needed it. It was that time of my life where I allowed spiritual enlightenment work for my favor. I would believe that he really ’saw things’ and ’felt energies of other people’. I must say, I was in such a bad state of mind, that he was all I needed at that time. And he did help me big time. Even though, I became more of a realist since then, I would say causality is causality, no matter if you look at it as a realist or spiritual person. And the principles are the same. Even biology, chemistry and physics tells us that one action is inevitably followed by a reaction. This ’energy guy’ told me once that I should NEVER ever put my human power or mind into changing someone else’s destiny, IF that’s what they chose for themselves, let them be! It’s just exhausting for you, and unnecessary. If you try and succeed this intervention of yours and need for control, something even worse will happen to that person because the forced re-direction is only temporary. You’re doing them the best favor by letting them do what they need to do. Maybe they need to experience their bad choices so they can unlock their full potential and reach the destination they’re supposed to be at. You might think you know what’s best for them, but they are sure entitled to their own decision. No pressure. Let them be, let them find out themselves. Awakening might wait for them right around the corner. Not your business anymore. Don’t try to help people if they don’t want to be helped. Better help yourself, you need some work too.

The grass is greener wherever you water it.

 Ouch. One of the truths that has been haunting me the most. We live in a weird world. It feels like you could always be travelling places and just be happier elsewhere, while it’s only a daring fiction in our head. FOMO can make us do some ridiculous shit decisions, I can tell you. Everything seems better than what you currently have, right? But... what if what YOU have is someone else’s ’greener grass’? Said in different words - If you’re constantly thinking that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are! Now, if you were REALLY honest with yourself. Could you have salvaged some of your past jobs, friendships or relationships if you worked harder instead of running away? If you didn’t think grass was greener on the other side, but then it showed that it fucking wasn’t? Think twice. One of my dearest friends reached out to me recently, and she asked me for an advice. She’s been in a 14-year relationship where there are no children yet, not even a proposal, ... and out of a blue, of course just right when she’s not so happy in the relationship and started re-thinking her whole life, she met another guy who seems to be able to give her anything she wants. You get it? Just because she’s missing the 10% which makes her doubt her boyfriend, she would leave the 90%? God knows if this other guy would be a good choice for her or not. But if she doesn’t even try harder in her current situation now, how would she know? After knowing you’ve done everything you could, then leave. But not before that. Happiness is a state of mind. And you can choose to be happy every day, same as you can choose what’s for breakfast. Measure twice, cut once.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. Fights can be avoided. Most things can be solved before it gets out of hand, and also in a lot of the cases, the arguments are about some unimportant bullshit anyways. You need two people to argue, right? So be the wiser one and leave the fight before shit hits the fan. Go for a walk, count till 10 or 100 if needed so. But protect your peace in every case. It’s about time you start being selective on where you put your energy and where it’s useless. In a relationship, it’s usually about the victory for one’s ego. Are you the one who always needs to be right? Can you not do compromises or admit you’re wrong? Worst case, you can always agree to disagree without arguing. If you share the same values with your significant one, stop feeding your ego by having to be right all the time. For once, next time it will look like fight is coming, cut the bullshit and do something unexpected - for you and also for your partner. Hug them, suggest going out to eat or to a cinema, or if you just can’t deal, leave the room or go for a walk. But try to be calm and think to yourself, is this silly situation really worth the spoiled day, evening or romantic weekend? Remember, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. This advice applies to your work life as well, and dealing with your friends and parents. Know your folks and never let ego win. Ego and love cannot exist together.

You can't have a good relationship without putting in some work.

Maybe in the beginning it will be all easier since you both have the rose colored glasses on. But sooner or later, your and your partner’s beautiful and less beautiful character traits will come to the surface and it’s for you guys to deal with it as a couple, and handle it. Maybe one of you is really neat and the other one leaves mess everywhere. Maybe one of you doesn’t drink alcohol and the other one does. Differences are normal and you will either adjust to it, or ... maybe it’s not a person for you in the end, if stuff he or she does bothers you so much. In a relationship, you should always allow the person be exactly what they want to be and do exactly what they want to do. Does who they are without your control nourish you? Or does it deplete you? Don’t assume people think like you do. Everybody comes from a different background. Different education. Communication is the key when it comes down to figuring out whether you two are gonna make it. One should not get mad at a partner for expressing what upsets them, actually, this is a great way to start a conversation. Ask them where you went wrong, knowing that this is very important to them. Ask them if they want a comfort or solution. Ask them what you should do less and more of, what is their love language and fight style. Ask if this relationship of yours is going in the direction they want it to go. Our deepest way to love is to accept and respect each other’s individuality. The rest will arise.

Stop giving a fuck about what people (you don't even like) think about you.

This is a tough one. If you were raised by parents who always watched your every step and made you believe that even in school, people judge you only by how well you behave, you might find this a lifetime battle. You question your every move because you’re not sure if you should, if it’s good enough, if it isn’t too provocative etc. You’re constantly deciding for yourself based on what you think you should and not based on what you ACTUALLY fucking want. I know people visiting therapists for years, because their actions are always determined by whether their friends and family would approve. They seek validation on how they should live even from complete strangers. They’re doubting that they are able to figure it out on their own. The thing is, you ARE in this on your own at the end of the day. Why should you limit yourself to what people expect or don’t expect from your existence? What the actual...?! You must realize that nobody’s here to judge you. People have issues! Who are they to judge you? You are allowed to do what you want and need to do. You are allowed to live a life some people don’t understand. This is YOUR world. Shape it or someone else will. If you value other’s opinion more than you value your own, you’re basically allowing anyone to bring you down. Stop trying to be liked by everybody, you don’t even like everybody.

Make peace with your past, and be happy!

Or it’s going to slowly eat you alive. Make this your priority - To make peace with yourself and your past. Holding onto any kind of anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. What a nonsense! Can you imagine how unhealthy this is for your mind and your body? People will sometimes pretend that you are a bad person so they don’t have to feel guilty about the things they did to you. And did you know that you have exactly ZERO obligation to make sense to anybody else for what you’re doing with your life? Silence is sometimes louder than any words, so remember this - You don’t have to tell anyone your side of the story, time will! Don’t do any explaining to anyone, neither to yourself, just finally free yourself and move on. A wise man once said that ’The present is a cure for all evil’. One of my friend fell into a deep hole because she was so stuck in the past. She was always so unhappy and didn’t know exactly why. I’m so glad she took the work and figured out why. There are many thing that can bring us down and affect the quality of our lives. Maybe it’s your past that you can’t make peace with, maybe you worry too much. Maybe you hold grudges or get sad when people don’t play by your rules. All this worry is taking away the joy of today. As one of my best friends would say - Get a fucking life.✌️ 

Now get up and go do what you want to do with your life!

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? You’re not happy, you’re not content, you feel depressed or maybe you feel like riding a roller coaster. What are you going to do about it? Sit and wait some more? For what? Ah, I see, you’re comfortable. You don’t want to sacrifice some things to level up. But there are gonna have to be casualties (your awful job, partnership that doesn’t make you anything but mad etc.) because if you don’t change anything, nothing will ever change. How much longer will you go on letting your energy sleep? What if a missed opportunity takes many lives before coming over again? So many people choose a path based on fear confused for practicality. Please, don’t be one of them. Don’t take what’s available this time, take what’s your DREAM! A snake, it is said, only knows it’s shape when it’s put in a box. In spite of our best intentions, we find ourselves in jobs, relationships and circumstances where we don’t belong. We learn our shape. It is then our responsibility to leave, change or modify the circumstances to fit our shape. No matter how far you’ve gone on the wrong path, you can still turn around. Clarity of what you really want in life comes from engagement, it doesn’t come from a thought. So get out and live! Don’t want the things you used to want before? It’s absolutely okay to not want the same career anymore, not want the same things. We as humans constantly evolve. Decide that what you want is more important than what somebody else wants. What’s best for me? - That is a question to be asking yourself.

Do at least one nice thing for yourself every day. I like to treat myself with a good tea or a cupcake. 🧁 Don’t settle for average, invest in yourself and reward yourself for every step towards being better human being. You know what I also do? Every evening, before going to bed, I say ’I wish, and I have’ - and I make plans for the next day, that I always fulfill. For myself only and not anybody else. Favorite pistachio ice cream after a work meeting, exploring new music on Spotify, watch a documentary about a topic that I’m interested in... sometimes, it’s sitting quiet in a park that restores my energy. When you get quiet, the things that are important to you will get really loud. XO Zuzana