Hello, my friends. How are you coping with all the craziness that's going on? I hope you're all staying sane, despite of the constant unpleasing news coming in our direction (I just decided not to even read it honestly). I've talked with many many people recently, some of them are my closest friends and we had some truly interesting discussions on psychology and stuff. I realized that people indeed feel much worse mentally during the pandemic, it's not just said on the news. It's like we all have this CD player in our head and the unpopular album called 'The top 50 mistakes I ever made' is on at all times. Right? We have so much time to dig in our past and blame ourselves for the things that we should've let go LONG TIME AGO! I always like to chat about real human problems, I say no to any such topic. I, myself, have been through this many times. I did things that I'm obviously not proud of, I still have many things to make peace with within myslef, but I also happened to overcome most of them by looking at life differently. I do not want to let my past affect my present and future. I learned to let go no matter how hard of a task it seems sometimes. You can do it too. And I will write more about guilt and feeling ashamed in my post today. Please, feel free to e-mail me if you're sad or just want someone to talk to (My e-mail is written in the side bar on the left). ✨
Throughout life, someone probably hurt you at some point, or you hurt them. Both is painful, you feel sorry, you feel guilt. It seems much worse if you were the one who seemingly caused pain to somebody. You can't take back time and fix it, and maybe you don't even want to because you know from your heart, that it was the right decision for you back then. But you can't get rid of that awful feeling when it comes to your mind and you start thinking about the discomfort you might've caused. You feel weak because there's nothing you can do about it, and you feel like you're a bad person. Well, none of this is actually true! These things do not define who you are. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Guilt often comes from the fear of what is this or that person going to think about my decisions and choices. You can't help but think about the people you affected. But let me tell you - These people are NOT living your life and never will. Even if your decision affects their life, it's time to start thinking about what YOU want in YOUR life. What we want to do with the time that has been given to us, is our own business. We take resposibility for our actions. If you let other people direct your life, it's still YOU who takes all the responsibility though, not them - so you better decide well.
If you often feel under the pressure of your own emotions due to guilt, it's time to release it. It's not healthy, in fact, it's very bad for your health to live in stress. How do you release it? Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for something that you knew you had to do the way you did. Forgive yourself for doing what was right for YOU. To move past this recurring negative feeling, you need to LET IT GO. You need to allow yourself to get out of the jail made out of your past! You want to feel free again, right? You want to live in the present and focus on the future, rather than be stuck in the past, is it that? Unless you forgive yourself, you're going to be a prisoner of your own past.
'Make peace with yourself and your life choices. They are yours!'
I've learnt that one good way to get rid of guilt is becoming more assertive. I personally am able to kill most of my negative emotions that come to my mind (including guilt) simply by expressing confidently my wishes. YES/NO - it really is as simple as that. I'm able to show what my personal requirements are, and even if they seem unjustified to others, I don't care. It's ok! We are not here in this world to please everyone - that, in fact, would be an impossible task to do so. The idea behing being healthily assertive is to ACCEPT yourself exactly the way you are and present your true self to others without caring too much what they'll think. In other words, assertivity is a part of being yourself, expressing your needs and choices and not feeling guilty or bad about it. PS: No amount of guilt can ever change or solve the past. It's a 'history' for a reason.
'But what if they think I'm a piece of shit?' Well, that can happen to the best of us. 😊 And it is actually highly likely. Do you know why? Because people are not used to facing the confidence, did you notice? They like to judge it. And why? Because they, themselves, are not brave enough to do what they want in their lives. They're just going with the flow. That's why you can't even rely on anybody's opinion when it comes to your important life decisions. Always choose what YOU think is best for you. Let your friends and family deal with your decision in their own way. They might not like it but well, they will be just fine and will have to accept it, if the are true friends and care about your happiness. Look at it like this - Even for them, this is a great way to grow. They have to step out of their usual box in order to understand you. They will have to also expand their thinking. You helped them learn some kind of a lesson. If you still feel guilty of letting someone go and the person wasn't making you happy anymore, you did the right thing ending this. Only you can change what's surrounding you. All these people you think you hurt will eventually make peace with your decision, even though you think otherwise. They will have to deal with THEIR unfulfilled expectations and dreams and they WILL overcome it in the end. No, this is not selfish. You're in fact doing them a favor if you don't want to be with them anymore. Don't waste your time, don't waste their time. So many people stay in these 'situationships' to make other people happy while their time is running up irreversibly. ⏳ By leaving someone you don't love anymore you're doing them a favor, trust me. You're giving them the chance to start over with someone more suitable for them. Period.
'You have enemies? Good. That means you're able to stand up for something important in your life.'
Always try to look at the bright side of your decisions. You were brave enough to make them. You wanted to make them. Are you double thinking them because of THEIR doubts? Stop it NOW. You don't need to explain yourself. You have the right to have your own thoughts and emotions. You don't have to apologize for being yourself. People will have to accept who you are or they are out of the game! There is NO other authority above you. You live your own life, nobody else is going to live it for you. And you will never achieve happiness if you're going to follow other people's wishes. Quite frankly, it's selfish from anyone to expect so! If you're feeling guilty of not achieving somebody else's request, there might be a whole different problem on their side and that is called manipulation. I would like to write more about that topic next time. But there are people who are purposely trying to make you feel bad about yourself, to get what they want. Have that in mind. Not everybody has good intentions with you, I'm sorry. You are not responsible for anyone else's life or well being. If they are adults, they are well enough suited to take responsibility for their own life and actions. Stop thinking you can do it for them! We are free, we can make the stupidest decisions if it makes us happy, do you get it? You can make completely illogical decisions if your heart wants it. Do it! You choose your path, it's that simple. I like to say this even though some of my friends think it's crazy, but - You want something? Act now and deal with the consequences later. 🤷 I've done it a few times and I definitely do not regret it.
We are just human beings. People change, people grow. We are allowed to change our mind. We can change our directions as many times we want, we can all of a sudden have different needs and wishes. It's completely normal. You should never feel guilty for following your heart. It's your life! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for living your life the way YOU want! Only people with very limited thinking (and who don't know what growth is) will judge you for this. And their opinion won't even matter anyways. You can't make everyone happy, so make yourself happy first!
'Guilt is the worst demon to bear. Apologize. Let go. Breathe free again.'
Why did I write this post?
I just want you to feel good about making the right decisions. We learn lessons and it's okay to feel certain way, you don't grow if you're not hurting once in a while. I'll give you a little homework, ok? Take a blank paper and draw a line in the middle. That's the line, that's the borderline. Above it is all the bullshit that's trying to get you, in the middle is an imaginary STOP sign and under that is the life you've created in your dreams, that you want to live. The stop sign is here to remind you to say NO to everything that's against your will and happiness. Take a freaking responsibility for your actions and trust yourself! Don't sacrifice yourself for trying to prove something to others. It's a waste of the most precious thing we have - time.
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